Friday, April 07, 2006
Totally Fuck...I tink i reached mi boiling point...the point i would xplode..feel lik a shit today..totally..im sori bro..its nt dat i dun wan to shake ur hand and make everyting ok...juz dat u didint do aniting wrong..i dunno hw to sae it to u man...i juz feel so tense...so overwhelmed...juz feel useless and totally worthless...to the point where i wish i could juz dissapear...i noe i may sae dat i wan to give away mi cats but unknowingly to miself i noe dat i dun wanna...cos they meant everyting...i luv them so fakin much...maybe juz too much i guess..i noe dat everyting seems so messed up rit now...and it is i admit it...im juz so sick of containing it inside miself...anger,sadness....nvr lettin it out...i seem untouched and nt angry but the truth is mi emotion are takin over mi..i feel so sad dis few dae...i felt hopeless of everyting...Knowin a prob and u dunno wat to do to it...Seeing urself in the mirror everydae and tinkin wat great tings u can do to someone else...these thing doesnt bother mi last time..i seem undisturbed by it...now..its diff...if theres anione reading dis...is thr anione knowing wat to do...i dun... i felt hopeless,i have no one to turn to...someone who can be thr for mi...i noe mi bro is...but i wld juz wish dat somedae...she...would juz leave me a msg...would juz ask mi hw i felt...juz ask mi if im ok?she would juz come arnd the street and saw me...and pick up where we left...wishing....juz wishing...I wish U were here....
For now i hope dat tml im ok...and dat the tings i said todae is juz a nonsensical dream of yesterdae..where i was dreamin of the worse possible ting happen...im so sorrie...maybe i shld juz die...nah...mi mum would be devestated by it...i cant do dat even if i wan to...but hell...maybe i get over dis somehow..maybe i be stronger..maybe..wishing...